“Suck It Up” Is Not a Leadership Strategy

For those of us who built our careers before mental health was something you could actually talk about, let me ask you something.

Did you love it?

Did you love being told to suck it up? Did you love working for bosses with no emotional range beyond “get it done”? Did you love burying your stress because showing it meant you were weak, soft, or broken?

I know I didn’t and yet, I did it anyway.

The people who led and raised us didn’t do better because they didn’t know how. Period.

Emotional intelligence wasn’t a thing. Nobody taught us how to process stress, manage our emotions, or recognize when fear or doubt were running the show. Our parents and leaders were stuck in generational beliefs they’d never examined, repeating what was handed to them because it was all they knew.

I lived this at 23, in my first leadership role at Walt Disney World. I needed to have a performance improvement discussion with a cast member (Disney’s word for employees). I was stressed, nervous, and genuinely unsure how to handle it. I went to my manager for support. Her entire response? “Go get him girl!” With a pat on the back. I’m not joking here.

I got through it. But it didn’t go well. I left that conversation feeling like I’d failed him and myself, more anxious and second-guessing than before.

There was no ill intent. My manager just didn’t have the emotional awareness or skills to coach me. The disturbing part is, she was a mid-level manager with experience, impacting a lot of people. And she wasn’t alone. Chances are you’ve worked for someone just like her — or maybe you’ve been her.

Later in my career I discovered emotional intelligence and a radical truth. We can intentionally choose our thoughts, emotions, and responses instead of reacting from default. It changed everything.

The harder wake-up call? I was repeating the same “suck it up” patterns with my own kids and as a leader. That’s what lit a fire within me to do the inner work and break the cycle. And that’s my big WHY today.

This Generation Isn’t the Problem. They’re the Mirror.

I’m so tired of hearing. “These younger people focus too much on their mental health. They haven’t paid their dues.” Why should others struggle because we did? We’re supposed to grow and evolve, not repeat.

Gen Z and Millennials grew up watching their parents and others burn themselves out and sacrifice their well-being for careers that didn’t always love them back. Then a pandemic arrived and made it all undeniable. Not just for them, but for all of us. Many people started to say no thank you.

That’s not entitlement. That’s knowing better and choosing differently.

And this clearly isn’t a generational attitude problem. It’s a mental health crisis. Young adults ages 18–25 carry the highest rates of mental health conditions of any adult age group — nearly one in three. The burden is even heavier for young women, who carry the added weight of comparison, perfectionism, and the pressure to have it all together from day one. Peak stress at 25 is not a coincidence. It’s what happens when people enter the workforce without the mental and emotional tools to navigate it.

Checking a Wellness Program Box Isn’t a Strategy

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Organizations everywhere will spotlight mental health. Some genuinely mean it. Others are checking a box.

A wellness program on paper means nothing if your culture says something different. And even the best programs often miss the mark. Are they actually developing the sustainable skills people need to lead themselves and others through daily stressors, pressure and challenges?

The data tells us just how wide that gap really is. 92% of recent graduates say they want to discuss mental wellness at work. But once they’re actually in the workforce, only 56% feel safe doing it. That’s not a program problem. That’s a leadership and culture problem.

No doubt, the cost of ignoring it is significant. Burnout costs the global economy $322 billion annually. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 34% of employees say their mental health has negatively impacted their productivity at work. The World Health Organization confirms that every $1 invested in mental health support returns $4 in productivity and well-being.

But here’s what I really want to say. The most powerful reason to invest in your people’s mental and emotional health goes beyond the ROI. It’s because they’re human beings who deserve to feel healthy, strong, and supported so they can show up as the best version of themselves — at work and in every area of their life.

The “Suck It Up” Mentality Was Never Strength.

It was a survival strategy in a world that gave us no other option. Many of us struggled silently, disconnected from our own needs, and lost ourselves in the process.

It’s time to do better.

Not all wellness and leadership development programs are created equal. The ones that actually move the needle go deeper than stress management tips and breathing exercises. They develop the mindset and emotional agility skills of leaders and people. The ability to recognize stressful thoughts and reactions and choose a more conscious response. What I call leading from your Inner Leader: the calm, grounded, most authentic version of you. Not the version running on stress and old habits.

When people develop these skills, it ripples out through teams, through customers, through culture, through the entire organization and into the world around them.

Let’s Break the Cycle and Change the Story Together

We need each other across generations. Younger professionals need mentorship and the wisdom that comes with experience. And we need their clarity, their boundaries, their conviction to stop pretending it was all okay — and their belief that well-being is not separate from success. It’s the foundation of it.

It starts by ditching the judgment and criticism. It’s built through curiosity, expanding our perspectives, and openly creating a shared vision for a more fulfilling and purposeful way to live and work. And then making it happen.

Mental Health Awareness Month matters. But awareness without action is just classic lip service. So let’s use this month to get real. To look honestly at the gap between what we say we value and what we actually say and do — as leaders, as organizations, as human beings.

The patterns we inherited don’t have to be the patterns we pass on. It’s time to do better together. No one needs to pay their dues or struggle anymore